So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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