never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
