You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
