dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
