i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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