I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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