i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
