3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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