It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
