She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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