by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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