Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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