ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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