Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
