I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My bed smells like the plague
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