Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
