I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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