I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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