My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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