the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
