I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
