i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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