Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
