Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
