he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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