Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
