you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
