I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
