Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
