im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
