Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
