you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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