i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
