We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
