dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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