I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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