Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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