If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
