Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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