forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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