There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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