yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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