I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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