apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
