physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
