I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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