The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
