end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
