Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
