I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
