She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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