if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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