i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
