Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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