She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
worst night to have a conscience
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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